My Music Memoir
I don’t like Taylor Swift. I don’t know how to be plainer than that. You
see it’s not something that happened all at once, not at all. I used to really
enjoy her as a person and her music. Her personality was endearing. At the
beginning she seemed genuine and as we have discussed multiple times in my
Music and Rhetoric class, authentic. I could also relate to a lot of her songs
on some level. I will give a little insight. If I like someone’s character,
everything about that person is that much better, and that’s how I felt about
Miss Taylor.
2006
Tim McGraw
Just a boy in a Chevy truck
That
had a tendency of gettin’ stuck
On
back roads at night
And
I was right there beside him all summer long
And
then the time we woke up to find that summer had gone…
It was 2006 and a lot was happening in my life. I had my fourth child,
my husband was finally finishing school (it felt like we had been a constant
state of suspension while he was getting his degree), and we were finally going
to start our life. I was driving around in the mom van we just purchased
because of our increasing numbers, flipping through music stations, (Does
anybody say that anymore? Maybe I’m showing my age.) when I hear a young girl
sing about Tim McGraw. Now, I have always crossed musical genres. I enjoy music
all types or music so having a programmed country station in my mom van was not
unusual. I digress…”But when you think of “Tim McGraw”, those words instantly
took me back to driving on a dirt road in my Chevy truck listening to Tim
McGraw sing “Indian Outlaw.”
I was in 10th grade and
my boyfriend at the time was Eddie…something. For the life of me, I can’t
remember his last name. Anyway, we would ride around going mudding with our friends,
which right now saying that sounds so white trash, but at the time, what are
you going to do in a town with one stoplight? When “Indian Outlaw came on the
radio he would roll down the windows, turn the volume up as loud as he could
and with the wind in our hair we would sing this song at the top of our lungs.
Not only did I love the songs
from her self-titled album, but I loved the videos as well. They reminded me of
my high school days, being young and in love. The lyrics to her songs were the
words I wish I could say to my boyfriends that I was “in love” with and
breaking up with when I was her age. I admired the fact she wrote her music. A
lot of artists sing other people’s words, but she was singing her own. It was
impressive to me.
“I realize you love yourself more that you
could ever love me”(“Picture To Burn”) resonated with me at this time. I would
look over at my then husband and think those words when I would hear that song.
I wasn’t going to get personal in this paper. That’s why I chose to write about
Taylor, but I find myself reflecting on things that were happening at the time
in conjunction with her music and it is taking me back to a place that is hard
to think about.
Taylor’s first album release
was around the time I found out my husband had an affair. I was in my kitchen making dinner and
listening to something on the radio, not sure what was playing; things seemed
to go quiet. My husband called me on his lunch break and told me over the phone
that he had had an affair with someone he worked with. He said he couldn’t keep
it in any longer. I just stood there running scenarios through my mind.
“Shauna, you said if this ever happened you would leave.” “Why are you still
standing here?” “Leave!!!” “I can’t leave.” “What am I supposed to do with 4
kids on my own?” So I stayed.
The older my kids got, the
more we listened to Taylor. Her music was empowering and I was impressed with
her writing ability. I thought this was a great role model for my girls. Two
years after her second album, Fearless was released.
2008
Love Story
Little did I
know
That you were
Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy
said, “Stay away from Juliet”
And I was
crying on the staircase
Begging you,
please don’t go
And I said,
“Romeo, take
me somewhere we can be alone
I’ll be
waiting, all that’s left to do is run
You’ll be the
prince and I’ll be the princess
It’s a love
story, baby just say yes
A lot had happened in the two years since her first album. I had decided to put the affair behind me. And by putting it behind me I mean completely ignoring and not dealing with the face it ever happened which by the way is super healthy. 2008 was the year we bought our first home. It was also the year we almost lost our first home. The housing and job market tanked. My husband lost his job. It was a miracle that I am still living in the same house with my children today. That is another story for another time. This one has to do with Taylor and me. Taylor did it again.
She made a record I
absolutely loved and I liked this album more than the first. “Love Story” was
the first song released and it was amazing. My girls loved the song and their
little voices were so cute singing about Romeo and Juliet. I couldn’t help but
imagine their first ”Romeo”. My first “Romeo” was named Josh and I was smitten
beyond belief. He was a sophomore in high school and I was in seventh grade. My
school was so small that both the high school and middle school were combined,
which meant most of the school clubs and such were combined as well. We met my
first year in middle school in marching band.
Looking back on it now, my
mom should have locked me away somewhere until I was 16. He was much too old
for me and I was much too dumb to realize this would only end badly. I wouldn’t
listen to my parents and I would sneak off and lie so I could see him and spend
time with him. At the time it felt like I would die if I couldn’t see him or
talk to him. Being so young and caught up in the “Romeo” idea, I didn’t realize
until it was too late that he was prepping me to sleep with him. I lost my
virginity at 12 years of age and it has affected me more deeply that I could
have imagined. But what did I do? I did the same thing I did when I found out
about my husband’s affair. I put it aside and filed it under “things to deal
with later”. I still remember the song that was playing as I lay there thinking
to myself, “What is happening?” and to this day, I hate that song and prefer
not to mention it here. But back to Taylor…
Fearless was the album that started adding more
of a pop sound to her music. I feel with the new sound and her choice of boyfriends,
which was the purpose all along…to move her more to pop mainstream. Her “team”
wanted to expose her to as many people as possible and if you can brand her to cross
genres and keep the majority of the demographic, then the payback will be
immense, and it was.
This is also the year Taylor
had a “Romeo” of her own with Joe Jonas and would be a love that would not
last. He would break up with the songstress over a 27 second phone message (MTV
News). Now, this is where things start to take a turn for my girl Taylor and I,
but would not completely sever my affinity for her. After Joe broke up with
her, she talked the record label into letting her add a last minute song,
“Forever and Always” to the album discussing their relationship. I know artists
have the right to be artistically expressive, but for me, being so public about
it and everyone knowing who you were talking about, but continuing to be coy
about it seemed passively aggressively mean girl-ish. I gave her a pass though,
because for hell sake, she’s just a kid and was hurt…right?...She didn’t stay
hurt for long. Taylor Lautner enters the picture and then John Mayer but both
only lasts for a few months.
Not only was she being
played on country stations across the country, but pop stations like 97.1 ZHT
was playing her music as well. In 2009 Taylor won the American Music Award for
Favorite Pop/Rock Female Artist, beating out Beyonce and Lady Gaga. She won
Female Vocalist of the Year from the Country Music Association. Taylor was
definitely a star on the rise. How much further could she go? Well, in that
same year she won the MTV Video Music Award for Best Female Video. She beat out
Beyonce again. This time however, her acceptance speech would not go smoothly.
Kanye, who I used to loathe, stormed the stage, took the mike out of Taylor’s
hands and said Beyonce deserved the award over Taylor. I watched the awards
show not being able to believe what was happening and I still think his
behavior was inappropriate. Taylor in that moment became someone everyone loved
if only because Kanye was so hateable.
2010
Dear
John
Dear
John, I see it all now it was wrong
Don’t
you think nineteen’s too young
To
be played by your dark, twisted games?
When
I loved you so, I should’ve known.
Better Than Revenge
She’s not a saint
And she’s not what you think
She’s an actress, whoa
She’s better known
For the thins that she does
On the mattress, whoa
2010
True
to form, Taylor’s third release was about exes. Now, I’m all for calling people
out, especially when they are shitty to you, but when is the appropriate time
and way to do that? I don’t believe in a public sphere is the way to go. And
maybe I’m old school in my way of dealing with things. Maybe it’s a
generational thing. Deal with your shit when it happens. If you are secure in
who you are there is no need to shame someone publicly. I’ve definitely done
that and know it doesn’t make you feel any better…well, feel any better in the
long term.
It was spring of 1996, my senior of
high school. I had a boyfriend named Chris and I was so in love with him. I was
taking a great risk dating him. He was black and we lived in Mississippi. I had
a cross burned on my lawn because of this and my mom and dad would not speak to
me…literally. They went months without saying a word to me. Some asked me why I
would remain in the relationship knowing the negative consequences, and my
response was I was in love with the person; the color of his skin did not
matter to me. Growing up in a racist environment, I understood why people felt
the way they did, but I couldn’t understand at the same time if that makes
sense. It just goes to show that we aren’t born racist; we are conditioned to
be that way.
Anyway, I’m down off of my soapbox for now. So with all I was
sacrificing to be with him, I found out he had been messing around with another
girl. I was hurt, but mostly mad because in my mind, I had already lost my
family to this and he didn’t recognize the gravity of the situation. The matter
seemed trivial to him, but to me, it was my whole world; my whole support
system was gone. It’s funny thinking about this now, seeing my community treat
me as less than but for him, his reputation stayed intact. I made a huge scene
at the school. There was yelling and screaming. I recall pushing him away from
me. Telling him all I had lost because of him. Using my words like a knife,
cutting him anyway I could. It felt good in the moment, but was immediately
regretful when all of the venom was unleashed. My actions made me look bad;
made me look like a crazy ex-girlfriend; nothing more, nothing less.
Back to Taylor…on this album. she allegedly
wrote an apology song to Taylor Lautner. It had something to do with the night
she broke up with him, not her normal ex song. But she comes back with a bang
when she addresses her relationship with John Mayer in “Dear John.” The lyrics, “Don’t you think 19 is too young to
be played by your dark, twisted games?” A song for which he told Rolling Stone
Magazine; he was “humiliated” by the song. He said, “I never got an email. I
never got a phone call. I was really caught off-guard, and it really humiliated
me at a time when I’d already been dressed down.” Two things come to mind 1.When
I heard that song, I thought about Chris and the scene I had made at school. I
wondered if I had done that to him…humiliated him in an effort to make myself
feel better. 2. I think it’s how she
wrote a song about John, never once mentioning it to him out of common courtesy
but will complain about being treated the same by Kanye, but that comes later.
Now
don’t get me wrong, poor old John is hard to like and feel sorry for, especially
with his past and how he’s treated women. But, Taylor stooped even lower by
writing, recording, and including a song called “Better than Revenge” on the
album. This is allegedly a song written about the girl, Camilla Belle, Joe
Jonas broke up with Taylor for back in 2008. Petty much? Two years had passed
since that breakup and she kept receipts. One of the lyrics goes, “she’s better
known for the things she does on the mattress.” Wait! What?! Taylor, let’s be
classy.
2012
I Knew You Were Trouble
He
was long gone when he met me
And
I realize the joke is on me, yeah!
I
knew you were trouble when you walked in
So
shame on me now
Flew
me to places I’d never been
‘Til
you put me down, oh
I knew you
were trouble when you walked in
So
shame on me now
2012
RED, the fourth album for Miss
Taylor was released in October of 2012. Her hair was straighter. She had ditched
the country curls and clothing for a more sophisticated, urban style. Just as
she was changing, so was I. I did not like the person I had become. Over the
years I had lost the self-confident girl I once saw in the mirror and in her
place stood the reflection of a self conscious, always doubting her abilities
shell. I had fallen into such a depression that I could not get out of bed some
days. I had begun to tell my kids, “Oh, mommy is just sick” and they bought
that. The day everything changed for me was when my little one who was about 18
months came into my bedroom and seeing me in bed said, “Mommy sick.” I could no
longer continue on that path. I didn’t want my children growing up and only
remembering mommy was sick in bed a lot. So I got my ass up and fought…fought
everyday for my children, but the change would not happen quickly and all at
once.
Taylor was changing and
evolving as an artist too and appealing to more of the pop demographic. I
thought, “I can get on this train.” I’ve stuck by her through 3 albums already.
She is growing and maturing. This album will show the real Taylor. I mean, I
knew she had relationships since her last album; Jake Gyllenhaal and Harry
Styles to name a few. However, I was somewhat expecting her to change her
writing and need for airing her grievances about ex-boyfriends like she had
changed her musical genre and appearance. But surprise, surprise she allegedly
wrote not one but two songs about poor ole Jake.
Jake was a good guy. There really has never been one bad thing said
about him. What could she possibly have against him that would warrant 2 songs?
And on a side note…she’s becoming boring. Is she a one trick pony that can only
write shit about ex boyfriends? Is she so full of herself that she thinks the
world cares about her life and how she was wronged? It seems to me there is one
common denominator in the shit storm that always seems to follow her, and the
common denominator is none other than Taylor. Maybe some self-reflection would
do a body good.
“We Are Never Getting Back Together” was written because “supposedly” a
friend of Jakes had made the comment that he heard they were getting back
together. Oh honey. It was a rumor. The second song, “The Last Time,” was
written addressing his unreliability and her insecurity if we are being honest.
“Put me at the top of your list.” What more did she want? What did she expect
form dating an actor. They are around beautiful women all of the time, but he
chose to be around her. This should say something to her. Sometimes things have
to happen naturally and trying to force and label things doesn’t work. Something
else that doesn’t work is making things all about YOU. Everything isn’t all
about you Taylor.
Now can I get a raise of hands from those who
didn’t see a song coming about Harry Styles? Even in her song title, she knew
what she was getting into, “I Knew You Were Trouble.” He was at a peak in his
career with One Direction. They were famous across the globe. What better
publicity for both she and him than a “relationship.” Please. But even with my
hating on Taylor, I bet the majority of people have looked at someone and a
bell goes off accompanied by flashing neon lights that read in all bold caps: TROUBLE! TURN AROUND AND RUN! I know I
have, but I had no one to blame but me.
This album, for me, was the end of
trying to find some semblance of redeeming qualities in her and her artistry.
She was making her money from cashing in on famous boyfriends and well as
writing petty songs about them. On one hand, someone can look at her and say,
“Wow, she is taking control and she is not afraid to stand up for herself.” But
one can also look at it from another perspective, “Okay, we get it. You can
write about ex loves gone wrong, but can you write something else?” Or, are you
just a petty girl trying to fill a woman’s shoes? I tend to see the latter.
Maybe it comes with age and experience. I spent a good amount of my time
thinking I was being in control and standing up for myself when in reality I
was a big bitch no one wanted to be around. After all, she is only 27. But when
do we stop excusing bad manners and rudeness and say enough is enough? This
Taylor Swift is not someone I want my girls to look up to. Yes she is talented.
There is no disputing that, but when you use your talent to take jabs at a
person to make yourself feel better, that is where I draw the line.
Maybe I take this so personally
because I was a mean girl in high school and I don’t like to be reminded of
that time in my life. My reasoning for it at the time was an idea of
self-preservation. My brother and I were the only Mormon kids in the school, in
the county for that matter. I knew that in order to not be picked on, I had to
be someone no one would mess with. My brother did not take the same approach
and was teased relentlessly to the point where he still has issues to this day
and he is 38 years old.
I attacked before being attacked. This attitude only alienates people
and loneliness replaces possible friendships. I wasted a lot time and energy
being this person. It has taken years to forgive myself for my treatment of
others and is possibly why I am very strict with the manner in which my kids treat
others. I actually called one girl I was particularly mean to a few years back
and apologized for my behavior toward her. I explained it had nothing to do
with her but of my own insecurities and immaturity. I feel fortunate that she
forgave me.
2014
Shake It Of
But I keep
cruising
Can’t
stop, won’t stop grooving
It’s
like I got this music in my mind
Saying
it’s gonna be alright
Cause
the players gonna play, play, play, play
And
the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby,
I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake
I
shake it off, I shake it off
After fighting through my depression, 2014 was a new
beginning for me. It was the year I decided to take control of my life in
another way (because I had felt I wasn’t in control for so long) and go back to
school. After struggling with depression and anxiety, going to school gave me a
renewed sense of self and greatly enhanced my self-image. Being a stay-at-home
mom had given me an identity I didn’t identify with and I had to get her back.
Right before the semester was to start, the single “Shake It Off” from the
unreleased album 1989 came on the radio and again…I found myself begrudgingly liking
the lyrics. I was dealing with a lot of people telling me I was selfish and a bad
mom for going back to school. I just had to “Shake It Off.” Just when I
thought, “okay…Maybe Taylor isn’t too bad, here we go again. This time not only
was Taylor calling out ex loves, but she was putting “friends” on blast.
Katy
Perry and Taylor were once friends. So much so, they shared a stage and sang
together. But Katy found herself on Taylor’s bad side after it was reported
Katy poached a few dancers from Taylor’s tour. Taking into account their
friendship, Katy reached out to Taylor to address the misunderstanding, like
adults do, but Taylor was having none of it and instead wrote a song about it, “Bad
Blood.”
I
feel I have sufficiently established Taylor is a very petty person. So it
should come as no surprise when questioned about the song she passively
aggressively said the song was about another female singer who “basically tried
to sabotage and entire arena tour.” The song is ridiculous from the lyrics to
the music video, but the music video is where most of my issues stem.
Around this time, because of her
“friendship” with Lena Dunham, she starts proclaiming feminism. That’s all well
and good when you actually walk the walk and talk the talk. But the “Bad Blood” video only works against her new
feminist outlook. Fist, she writes the song about Katy Perry and the video is
about tearing her down. Isn’t feminism about building one another up? In the
video she also portrays an unrealistic image of friendship and women in
general; tall, thin models who for the most part are white, with a couple women
of color to serve as the “token black friend.” Did I mention Lena Dunham is her
friend too?
Dunham is know for being comfortable with
not having the model body type and frequently shows it off in the HBO hit, Girls. Where was Miss Dunham in the
video? She is nowhere to be seen. Why is that? People can say there were
scheduling conflicts until they are blue in the face. It’s like using the
excuse of a deviated septum to justify and nose job. Give me a break!
You didn’t think I would leave you
hanging about Kanye did you? Kanye and Taylor have had their fair share of
moments, from the uncomfortable VMA awards show in 2009, to Taylor presenting
Kanye with the MTV Video Vanguard Award. In 2016 Kanye released a song called “Famous.”
To say the least, Taylor was not happy with the lyrics. “I feel like me and
Taylor might still have sex. Why? I made that bitch famous.”
Oh snap! The gloves come off. Taylor, in Taylor fashion, addresses the
song in a speech by not directly addressing the song. She accepts an award and
in her acceptance speech says, “There are people…who will try to undercut you
success and take credit for your accomplishments or fame…” Then Taylor plays
victim and claims she was not warned nor asked for permission to use her name
and use the word bitch to reference her. Of course Kanye fires back harder with
proof she knew. Not just any proof, but video and voice recordings. Why would
she lie? Isn’t it ironic she is upset
about this when she did the exact same thing to John Mayer.
After this whole ordeal with Kanye,
Taylor disappears from the public eye. She is hardly seen or photographed. I am
guessing it is damage control time. When celebrities find themselves enflamed
in controversy the first thing they do is disappear. No press means people will
stop talking about them. Attention is turned toward some other dumbass stunt
people in this life pull, and that is exactly what she did. People stopped
talking about her, good or bad. Was her time away enough? For some, yes:
others, no.
On August 24, 2017, Taylor reemerged
with a newly released single title “Look What You Made Me Do” and debuted the
video on the MTV VMA’s not long after. The new album, “Reputation” will drop in
November, just in time for Christmas shopping. Hopefully Santa doesn’t leave
one for me in my stocking. I haven’t heard the new song and have purposefully
stayed away from it. I have heard things about the video but refuse to watch
it. Taylor Swift is nothing but drama and I feel with all of her personalities,
I can’t keep up. I feel overall she isn’t a good person. She seems like a
bratty little girl playing in mommy’s clothes and makeup. She may be the most
talented artist that has ever or ever will be, but her lack of character alone
seals the deal for me. At the beginning I said if I like someone’s character,
everything about that person is that much better, and it is true about the
opposite. No success, nothing done professionally can make up for poor
character. Unfortunately it seems as if Taylor has learned nothing and is
continuing the immature path. Normally where there is a lot of smoke, there is
fire…Taylor is burning bridges left and right.
I
did not want to listen to this record. I think part of me knew that once I did,
I couldn’t go back. I think I was hoping that I could pretend she would have
possibly changed and if I didn’t listen to it, I could stay with that narrative.
There was one thing that did change though...the object of her venomous lyrics.
Instead of putting an ex-boyfriend/lover on blast, she chose to air her
grievances against ex-friends and acquaintances, choosing to behave like a
petty bitch while claiming “they” pushed her to it. Apparently Taylor is still
the little girl trying to fit into a woman’s shoes.
Jamieson
Cox wrote a review for Pitchfork
titled, Taylor Swift Reputation. In
it he says, “’Here’s a toast to my reeeeeal friends,” she sneers on “This Is
Why We Can’t Have Nice Things,” just before faking a weepy apology and breaking
into cackling laughter. She’s shooting for over-the-top, campy villainy, but it
scans as stubborn petulance.’” Even Cox sees she hasn’t changed.
In
the song, Look What You Made Me Do,
Swift sings, “Don’t like your tilted stage.” This is in possible reference to
Kanye’s stage on his Saint Pablo tour.
The video to the song also takes shots at people she has had issues with,
namely Katy Perry. Swift transforms herself into a Katy Perry look-a-like
sitting in a sports car resembling Perry’s 2009 music video “Waking Up In
Vegas.”
In
just this one song, she is continuing to stir the pot as the saying goes. Why
won’t she just let things settle? To me, she enjoys the drama. She acts like
she is the victim all of the time. Like poor me…please.
I
will talk about one more song because I can’t bear to listen to anymore or talk
about her any longer. In the song This Is
Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, Taylor referenced the leaked phone call
between she and Kanye. which suggested Taylor was a liar (she is). The lyrics
say “Friends don’t try to trick you, get you on the phone and mind-twist you.”
Taylor
still seems to not have changed and to be quite honest I didn’t think she
would. That is unfortunate.
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